Session 008

01[21:29:49] <~nativejovian> Welcome back, adventurers, to another session of – wait, how long has it been? Holy crap. Alright, how about a little recap?
01[21:29:49] <~nativejovian> You’re in space! You were getting ready to go out on a test cruise of the Whiteangel, your awesome new spelljammer, when you were suddenly attacked by a mysterious group of elves. Upon beating the lot of them and capturing more than one, you discovered that they are the forces of the Glorious Imperial Elven Clans (it sounds better in Elven, honest). The party promptly dubbed them the Gleeks and went out to beat up more of them.
01[21:29:49] <~nativejovian> Which is good! Because the ones you beat up were about to blow up the Lanikaula (pssst, that’s “magic space elevator”) and sever the link between Kaonakala (that’s your space station) and the surface. But you stopped them! And stole the dingy they were using (which you promptly dubbed Napuamakua’s Erupting Booby Prize. Or Nebp. Or just the Booby Prize) and the giant bomb they had loaded in it.
01[21:29:49] <~nativejovian> Then the Gleeks tried to kamikaze the Whiteangel, but did a shitty job of it. The Whiteangel decided to lift off rather than face additional attacks, but looped around and return in order to gather more supplies. You did a quick scouting job and found a company of Mokupoe marines investigating the situation after everything started going to hell. After bringing them back to the Whiteangel, you were volunteered to take the Booby Prize out for a scouting trip to the far side of Kaonakala, where the Whiteangel can’t see anything because Kaonakala is in the way.
01[21:29:49] <~nativejovian> But first, you’ve been told to check in with Chief Engineer Muloke before departure. Which is probably wise, given that he’s the one in charge of stuff like making sure the Booby Prize is ready to launch.
01[21:29:49] <~nativejovian> Any questions? Adventurers all set? Ready… GO!
[21:31:38] <guri> Let’s go see the engineer! He’s probably got supplies to make a still, if nothing else.
[21:33:07] <konani> That we’re still sober is depressing. So let’s remedy it! Or at least go sailing. In space.
[21:33:25] <konani> That is sufficiently ridiculous to be an acceptable alcohol substitute.
[21:33:37] <guri> I suppose that’ll work…
01[21:34:25] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] Hey, they should have time to load the booze since we’re back.
[21:35:23] <guri> And that’ll keep us going, but the time to start making more is now! So there’s no chance of us running out. Proper prior planning prevents piss poor…something to do with alcohol that begins with a ‘P’.
[21:36:48] <konani> Peppermint schnapps?
03[21:37:04] * Cybaster (Cybaster@Nightstar-j4bf05.dsl.bell.ca) has joined #Valhalla
[21:37:32] <guri> Mint is so over-rated.
01[21:39:02] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] Peach schnapps?
[21:39:41] <konani> Perhaps pineapple?
[21:39:49] <konani> Need that double-shot of alliteration.
01[21:40:43] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] And schanpps. ….wait, do you even take shots of schnapps? I’m actually a little vague on what the hell schnapps actually are.
[21:43:34] <konani> Cut anything with enough hard liquor and you can take it in shots.
[21:44:32] <guri> Well, it all depends on what region you’re talking about. In some areas, “schnapps” is a generic term for any hard liquor.
[21:45:09] <guri> In others, it’s a generic term for non-grape fruit-based liquor.
[21:45:28] <konani> Thanks for that info, Dr. Alcohol!
01[21:45:58] <~nativejovian> The party banters as they head for the hanger deck! I’m fairly certain the party could survive for years on nothing but banter and enough liquor. As they’re discusing the finer point of the brewer’s art, they run into da chief.
01[21:46:19] <~nativejovian> [Chief Muloke] Hey, you guys are headed out in that dingy of yours, right?
[21:46:33] <guri> Yes, and we’re taking a dingy with us.
02[21:46:40] * Guri slaps Pakeliku on the back.
01[21:47:48] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] That’s not even what that means!
[21:48:24] <konani> Yes, but it’s a pun, and it’s a well-known fact of life that punnery is a serviceable substitute for wit.
01[21:48:51] <~nativejovian> [Chief] I dunno what you plan to accomplish what that thing, but you want that bomb you brought back with it on board, or not?
[21:50:07] <guri> That’s a good question. Should we be able to blow up Kaonakala?
[21:50:12] <konani> That’s a tough one. On the one hand, we could use the increased cargo space! On the other, that’s a very nice way of saying “fuck you” to the Gleeks.
[21:51:14] <guri> Might as well keep it on? We can always decide to dump it in SPAAAAACE! if we need more cargo room.
[21:51:42] <konani> Throw the garbage overboard, you say? I approve!
01[21:52:12] <~nativejovian> [Chief] Kid, that thing’s not near big enough to blow up Kaonakala. Or hurt the Whiteangel, if it comes to that, as long as it went off outside. Against those idiots with wooden hulls, though? It’d do some damage, you bet.
[21:55:23] <konani> Well, we’ll be sure to report back if we discover any more ways in which they are idiots while we’re out. It’ll likely be an exhaustive list.
[21:55:49] <guri> Then we’d better take enough note paper.
01[21:56:48] <~nativejovian> [Chief] Won’t need to take notes. I got a present for you.
[21:56:58] <guri> Oh?
[21:57:00] <konani> I didn’t know today was my birthday!
[21:57:06] <guri> Is it a new copper still?
01[21:58:26] <~nativejovian> Chief Muloke hands the party a small, heavy metal case. It feels almost like solid steel, and is featureless except for a handy carrying handle on one side
[21:59:16] <guri> So. Not a still. What is it, then?
01[21:59:49] <~nativejovian> [Chief] It’s an aether transceiver. Sort of like a permanent Message spell, but you have to carry the box around, and it only works when you’re in space.
[22:00:27] <guri> We’re in space now, right? I mean, the whole planet is in space, too. We’re even more in space than that.
01[22:00:48] <~nativejovian> [Chief] By “in space” I mean “not on a planet”, yes.
[22:00:59] <konani> Though the planet is itself also in space.
01[22:01:17] <~nativejovian> [Chief] Yes. But you’re not in space while you’re on the planet.
[22:01:31] <guri> Details.
02[22:01:36] * Guri dismissive wave.
01[22:03:44] <~nativejovian> [Chief] Anyway, this thing is connected to the one I have and the one on the bridge, so you can talk to any of us while you’re out doing… whatever. Try not to be assholes with it.
[22:04:28] <konani> Any hauntings of the transceiver by the Silver Shroud will be purely coincidental.
[22:04:29] <guri> Oh. We will. We’ll avoid being assholes with it so hard…
01[22:05:27] <~nativejovian> [Chief] You have no idea how thankful I am that I’m not responsible for you lot.
[22:06:23] <konani> So you’d like us not to bring you back all kinds of alien salvage to play with?
[22:06:34] <guri> We can keep it for ourselves, if you prefer.
01[22:07:21] <~nativejovian> [Chief] I’m not optimistic enough to believe that anything I say to you will actually have an effect on your behavior.
[22:07:38] <konani> Such cynicism!
[22:07:47] <guri> Try saing, “Here, have a drink!” sometime.
02[22:07:49] * Guri winks
01[22:09:33] <~nativejovian> [Chief] Anyway, your boat’s where you left it, and I’ll have the hanger opened for you. Anything else?
[22:09:56] <konani> You could wish us fair winds and calm seas.
01[22:10:37] <~nativejovian> [Chief] We’re in space. There’s no air or water to be fair and calm. I will say ‘go fuck up the assholes who tried to burn my ship down’, though.
[22:11:14] <konani> I’m sure that’s what “fair winds and calm seas” translates into in the Gleek dialect of Elven, so that’ll do!
[22:12:12] <guri> We’ll do our best!
01[22:13:29] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] shakes his shiny new box to see if it rattles inside. He seems disappointed when it doesn’t
[22:14:12] <guri> Don’t break it, Pake-chan.
[22:15:06] <konani> At least until we’ve gotten to send a distress call once.
01[22:20:19] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] If it’s gonna break, it makes more sense to do it now, where Chief Muloke can fix it!
[22:20:33] <guri> ….
[22:20:34] <konani> Which is it won’t break.
[22:20:40] <konani> why it won’t break.
[22:20:49] <konani> Things only break when they’re needed.
[22:20:51] <guri> Right, we’ve got what we needed. To the dingy!
[22:21:17] <konani> We still don’t have the still to brew things aboard the Booby Prize, but baby steps. Excelsior!
02[22:21:23] * Konani leads the way to their space-boat.
01[22:22:55] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] Excel who? *follows

[22:23:57] <guri> The story about Excel is a bit of a saga. Best you don’t start down that path…
[22:24:31] <konani> Quite.
01[22:27:52] <~nativejovian> The party mounts up (climbs aboard? weighs anchor? Whatever the proper term for “prepares to leave via boat” is) as the crew rushes to open the hanger for you. You can cast off and set sail at your leisure.
02[22:28:21] * Guri wants to sail away, sail away, sail away…
02[22:28:43] * Konani embarks and weighs anchor! Because he’s totally spent on a boat before.
01[22:32:47] <~nativejovian> The Booby Prize sets sail! …by which I mean it delicately trundles out of the Whiteangel’s hanger deck, because trying to sail a spelljammer vessel while on a gravity plane is kinda lame. It would’ve been way more awesome if you had swooped out into the vastness of space, but.. eh. Whatchagunnado?
01[22:33:09] <~nativejovian> The good news is that, since you’re at the docks, you’re not that far from the edge of Kaonakala.
02[22:33:19] * Konani is going to make notes for improvements on the next generation of spelljammer docks, that’s what.
01[22:34:06] <~nativejovian> Improvements that involve silly pre-launch announcements and catapult-assisted deployment, no doubt.
02[22:34:19] * Guri has no objection to that idea
02[22:35:17] * Konani was focused on improved swooping, but now has other ideas, too!
01[22:36:35] <~nativejovian> After several minutes of halfheartedly scooting along, you reach the edge — and go over. Your sails suddenly billow full and your speed increases smoothly as you leave Kaonakala behind and being some proper space sailing.
[22:36:49] <konani> Wheeeeeee!
[22:36:58] <guri> I’m on a boat!
01[22:37:10] <~nativejovian> Where to now, boys? Going to keep close to the surface to help keep a low profile, or sail out into the open so you have a better view, but are more easily spotted yourself?
02[22:37:54] * Konani votes a better viw.
02[22:38:02] * Konani votes for a better view, too.
[22:39:00] <guri> We went To SPAAAACE! to see things, right? So let’s see things!
[22:39:08] <konani> Exactly!
02[22:39:20] * Konani sets course for a better view!
01[22:43:36] <~nativejovian> The party takes their boat our wide, for a good view of Kaonakala’s surroundings! Hey, it’s a little boat, right? And it’s dark in space. They’ll totally be hard to see anyway.
01[22:47:38] <~nativejovian> As the party heads farther from Kaonakala, they’re able to see more and more of what’s on the opposite side of it from the Whiteangel. The answer is, to absolutely no one’s surprise… a ship! A quite large wooden vessel that wouldn’t look at all out of place if you saw it sailing the seas instead of the…. space. Sailing the spaces? Let’s go with “stars”. Sailing the stars.
01[22:47:50] <~nativejovian> Perception checks for details!
01[22:51:34] <~nativejovian> Pakeliku gets distracted by his shiny new toy box, and sees nothing. Guri peers across the aether, but isn’t used to the sharp divide between sun and shadow in space, and doesn’t see much more than the fact that there’s a ship out there.
01[22:53:09] <~nativejovian> Eagle Eye Konani, on the other hand, is able to spot the fact that there seem to be far more crew on the ship than is necessary. Presumably it’s overfilled with the crew from the other ship that the kamikaze’d into the Whiteangel. What’s more, there’s quite a bit of activite around it, as elves are loading and boarding a small fleet of smaller vessels. Ones that are identical to the Booby Prize, as near as you can tell.
[22:53:59] <konani> THAR SHE BLOWS, ME BOYOS!
[22:54:55] <konani> It seems the Gleeks are busy preparing for a boarding action.
[22:55:14] <guri> Pake, get on the box and tell the Cap’n.
[22:55:18] <konani> It’d be a pity if a giant bomb crashed into their busy deck.
[22:55:57] <guri> Oh, indeed. But first, we should tell people that the enemy is on the other side of the station.
[22:56:05] <guri> People might find that interesting.
[22:56:29] <konani> And that we intend to crash our dingy into their ship, detonate it, and steal another dingy in the ensuing chaos.
01[22:57:10] <~nativejovian> Pakeliku gets on the horn and relays the information back to the Whiteangel.
[22:58:13] <guri> That’s what we intend to do? I thought we should sail over, drop the bomb, and run like hell.
[22:58:35] <konani> I don’t think the bomb’s got a contact-fuze.
01[22:58:59] <~nativejovian> There’s silence for a moment. Is the thing broken? Did they hear you? Are they talking but you can’t hear them?
01[22:59:16] <~nativejovian> Nope! Turns out that you just managed to complete flabbergast the captain. She comes back on a moment later.
01[22:59:40] <~nativejovian> [Captain Mulue] Do not destroy that ship. Do you want to strand an entire double crew on Kaonakala with no way to leave?
[23:00:15] <guri> So…what DO you want us to do to them?
[23:00:43] <konani> I’m pretty sure I only proposed blowing up a crowded deck and stealing another dingy. That’ll only maim most of them and do some damage to their ship.
[23:02:03] <guri> You hope. Not like we know the size and power of this bomb.
01[23:02:28] <~nativejovian> [Captain Mulue] Yes. If they’re preparing another attack, then do what you can do damage and delay them. If you can steal or destroy all of their smaller boats, do it. But we want to drive them off, not strand them here.
[23:03:09] <konani> The fastest way to damage and delay them is drop on bomb while they’re loading up to attack. Just sayin’.
[23:03:43] <guri> I’m sold.
[23:03:48] <guri> Let’s do that.
[23:04:54] <konani> And the most accurate way to deliver the bomb would be to drive our dingy into their. And then we steal another one to escape!
[23:05:11] <konani> But as I am apparently being outvoted, I’ll check if the bomb’s detachable.
02[23:05:15] * Konani goes to do that!
01[23:06:15] <~nativejovian> [Captain Mulue] If you think you can pull it off, do it. Just keep in mind that the longer we have to load supplies, the better of we’ll be. If we have to do another emergency launch to avoid a swarm of angry, stranded elves out for blood, then this entire expedition will have been mostly pointless.
[23:06:17] <guri> I’m okay with that, though it’s more crazy. If we’re super-lucky, we could end up with more than one dingy!
01[23:07:17] <~nativejovian> [Chief Muloke] You shouldn’t have a problem pitching the bomb over the side, kid. It’s not build into the hull or anything, it’s just strapped down to keep it from sliding around under sail.
[23:09:33] <konani> Well, we could drop the bomb and then try to damage their rigging. Hard to crash land when you’ve got no locomotion. And are on fire.
[23:09:49] <guri> Well, either way.
01[23:10:20] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] Um, doesn’t “preventing them from leaving” constitute “stranding them here”, which we were just told not to do?
[23:11:13] <konani> The problem with stranding them is that they are able to crash into our home base. If they can’t move, they can’t do an emergency landing.
[23:11:35] <konani> Gravity’ll eventually drag them…somewhere, but we’ll be long gone and reinforcements long since arrived by the time that happens.
01[23:12:29] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] It’s space. They can just jump across the gap, unless we do something completely insane like pestering them into chasing us, lead them away from Kaonakala, and then blow them up.
[23:13:00] <guri> Good thinking, Pakeliku!
[23:13:17] <konani> And you were poo-pooing when I was proposing leaping across the void of space!
[23:13:37] <konani> But yes, there’s our plan: Get them to chase us and then bomb them.
[23:13:50] <guri> Well, then.
01[23:13:54] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] Well, there’s a difference between jumping off a perfectly good ship and jumping off a crippled and useless ship.
[23:14:23] <konani> Just means that many more dead elves!
[23:14:47] <konani> We’re going to need a giant banner and a Common-Elven dictionary to translate “your mother was a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries”.
01[23:17:19] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] Well, if they spot us, they’re probably going to send one of their boats after us, rather than the whole ship. Don’t you think?
[23:17:21] <guri> How about some presdigitation?
[23:19:02] <konani> And some thaumaturgy! Make ourselves look outlandish and unexpected, and then buzz them!
[23:19:37] <konani> Have no choice but to chase us. You’re required to chase strange things that buzz you, after all.
[23:20:38] <guri> Look for the leader’s daughter, and try to fly past her, in particular?
[23:20:51] <konani> As a prelude to eventually seducing her, yes.
[23:22:21] <konani> Between Prestidigitation and Thaumaturgy, we should be able to make ourselves look and sound like a giant space whale. Those’re unnerving, right?
[23:23:19] <guri> Hopefully!
[23:25:28] <guri> We could get really, really, really close and I can cast Thunderwave…don’t know if it’ll help, though.
[23:28:16] <konani> Yes! A giant space whale that emits thunder and flame! As I’ll cast Burning Hands as we buzz them as well! Disrupt deck operations and convince them we’re worth chasing! And without even dumping our bomb.
01[23:33:26] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] Wait, you can make fiery, sparky space whales? …why did no one tell me that wizards and stuff could do that? I might’ve learned how to magic things instead of just being a really awesome swordsman.
[23:33:59] <guri> Don’t blame us for you having a poor education.
[23:34:11] <konani> And poor swordsmanship.
01[23:35:38] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] Pft, like you know what good swordsmanship looks like. Silly robe-wearin’ finger-wagglers.
02[23:36:21] * Konani coughs and beats on the scalemail he’s wearing.
[23:36:37] <guri> Whatever. Let’s make like a space whale and thunder & fire at people.
[23:36:44] <konani> Yes!
02[23:37:08] * Konani gets to contributing his half the effects with Thaumaturgy.
02[23:37:29] * Guri works on his magical effects
01[23:50:58] <~nativejovian> The party comes up with a plan! The plan is to use cheap, low-level magic to turn your boat into something un-boatlike enough to confuse the Gleeks, then rain fire and lightning down int heir general vicinity in order to piss them off and/or confuse them into chasing you.
01[23:51:06] <~nativejovian> Are you sure you’re not drunk yet?
02[23:51:31] * Konani is sure this plan would work much better if they were drunk.
02[23:52:05] * Guri passes around a bottle he totally just discovered on the ship. Really.
[23:52:20] <konani> Today just keeps getting better!
01[23:52:39] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] Are we using the bomb, or just screwing with them?
[23:53:04] <konani> We screw with them, so they chase us, and then we really screw them. By using the bomb.
01[23:54:09] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] This is going to be either really awesome or really stupid. Or both.
[23:54:26] <konani> It’s only stupid if we don’t succeed.
01[23:55:01] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] ….no, it can still be stupid and work. If it’s that, we just tell people something less stupid. Who’s going to contradict us?
[23:56:17] <guri> There’s hope for you yet, Pakeliku.
01[23:56:23] <~nativejovian> Arcana checks from both casters! And a sailing check from Konani. And a minute while the DM looks up how that works again.
Session Time: Sun Jan 31 00:00:00 2016
02[00:05:34] * Konani can totally spellcast and drive at the same time!
01[00:06:27] <~nativejovian> The two casters work together to slap a workable illusion on the Booby Prize! It’s… not pretty, but it’ll get the job done. Hopefully. Probably, anyway! It’s less of a space whale and more of a space… shark? Space sharkwhale. Let’s go with that.
01[00:09:14] <~nativejovian> That done, Konani takes the boat in for a close pass on the enemy vessel. Going for speed (partially to keep the illusion from being looked at too closely, partially to keep from being a target for too long), he manages to come close enough to be within spell range, but far enough that there’s little risk of collision.
01[00:09:50] <~nativejovian> What part of the ship do you want to buzz? You can hit the rigging, the deck, the boats in the process of being loaded, or the hull.
02[00:10:09] * Guri is in favor of hitting the small boats.
02[00:10:53] * Konani votes for the not-welldeck, as well! And strafes it with the space whale-shark.
02[00:10:58] * Cybaster (Cybaster@Nightstar-j4bf05.dsl.bell.ca) Quit ([NS] Quit: <kid> I’m innate Red! Don’t tell me which zone is for stopping and which zone is for loading! <serge> Listen, Schala, don’t start up with your White Zone shit again!)
01[00:12:08] <~nativejovian> Roll dex checks for the proper timing, and then damage for your respective spells. You can add your proficiency bonus to the dex checks.
01[00:19:40] <~nativejovian> The space sharkwhale begins spouting flames and spitting lightning as it buzzes past the enemy vessel! Due to excellent timing on their parts, both Konani and Guri manage to catch the entire side of the ship in their spells as they rocket past. Konani leaves a trio of boats awash in flames, while Guri’s lightning bolts not only give the crew of those boats a bad day, they also arc into the rigging and cause some damage there!
01[00:20:27] <~nativejovian> Pakeliku, for his part, lets out a ferocious spacesharkwhale roar! It certainly seems to have an effect, though you’re not sure whether it’s more fear or surprise.
01[00:20:51] <~nativejovian> Or possibly confusion, for that matter.
01[00:22:32] <~nativejovian> By the time anyone reacts to your presence, you’ve already blown past the ship, leaving chaos and disarray in your wake. A good number of the tightly-packed crew are down from the lightning, and the fire seems to have caught on both the boats and the ship proper, with crewmen scrambling to do damage control.
01[00:24:39] <~nativejovian> As your momentum takes you forward, you can hear imperious bellowing in Elven as the deck offers give orders. A moment later, the ship lurches into motion, moving sluggishly as people climb the rigging to replace the casualties there and the deck hands and damage control crew get in each other’s way.
01[00:24:52] <~nativejovian> But you’ve certainly gotten their attention, at least!
[00:25:14] <guri> A-Team, 3, Gleeks, 0!
01[00:26:09] <~nativejovian> So the good news is that you’ve gotten an entire ship of angry elves to chase you! That’s also the bad news.
01[00:27:08] <~nativejovian> What next for our brave and possibly suicidal heroes? Will they have to fight two entire crews (minus a dozen or two) of professional elven navy men? Well, no, probably not, because no one wants to roll that many dice.
01[00:28:12] <~nativejovian> But still! It’ll be interesting. And probably insane. Find out next time, on… SPELLJAMMER! fanfare
01[00:28:19] <~nativejovian> [/session]

Session 008

Spelljammer Custom NativeJovian NativeJovian