Session 003

01[21:07:11] <~nativejovian> Last time, on Spelljammer! The party made it to the ship and met the XO, who sent them to look for clues! They found some! Which led them to… another clue! In the form of a prisoner. Who they promptly brought to the ship’s captain! Who was kind enough to hit the captive elf with a Charm Person to make him more amenable to questioning. Wasn’t that nice?
01[21:08:20] <~nativejovian> The party is standing on the Whiteangel’s bridge, along with the captain and the recently-charmed elf. The captain seems to be content to stand aside and let you question the prisoner — presumably because you have more context for what the hell is actually going on. As far as she knew as of five minutes ago, this whole thing was nothing more than an accident, after all.
[21:08:31] <guri> Aren’t elves immune to that?
[21:09:07] <konani> If they are, this is yet more proof in support of my hypothesis!
[21:09:31] <guri> Quite.
[21:10:09] <konani> Exactly. Great minds and all that.
01[21:11:39] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] I hear that elves are good at resisting charms and whatnot, but obviously the Captian can handle it.
[21:12:54] <konani> Anyway! We’ve got an interrogation to undertake! …you have to undertake. Because the knife-eared bastard probably will still be using Moonspeak.
[21:13:29] <guri> Anyway. We think this elf and others we’ve fought came fron outside in a spelljammer ship to ruib our ship.
[21:15:02] <konani> All of the evidence supports that hypothesis, after all.
01[21:16:47] <~nativejovian> [Elf] I can speak Common if you want. Does that make things easier?
[21:17:10] <guri> It makes it easier but less fun.
[21:17:38] <konani> Significantly! …though it does indicate you were a titanic ass earlier, Elf Guy. Got a name?
01[21:19:17] <~nativejovian> [Elf] Well, to be fair, you did take me prisoner. Name’s Tanivel, though.
[21:21:02] <guri> Well, Tani, where are you from?
[21:21:24] <konani> Well, if we’re being fair, it was because you were being terrible at your job. But not as bad as your compatriots who were daft enough to attack us. So props for that.
01[21:21:44] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] You mean like, specifically, or big-picture sort of thing? Because I don’t think the specific answer would mean anything to you.
[21:23:33] <konani> If the context of the specific answer is “you won’t know it because it’s from another crystal-sphere”, that’d be enough.
01[21:24:18] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Yeah, pretty much.
[21:24:54] <konani> Called it. BOOYAH.
02[21:25:14] * Konani fist-pumps.
01[21:25:53] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] It’s not like it wasn’t pretty obvious, was it?
[21:27:38] <konani> Well, those who are not well-versed in the mysteries of Nakuamakua were skeptical. But that’s the burden we of the priesthood must bear.
[21:27:45] <guri> It was to us!
[21:28:04] <guri> But not to everyone else.
[21:28:49] <guri> How many of you came to attack our ship?
01[21:28:56] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] You two are amazingly self-congratulatory.
01[21:29:01] <~nativejovian> [Mulue] Yes, I’m noticing that.
01[21:29:08] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] Even by my standards!
[21:29:50] <guri> This deserves to have a beer named in its honor!
[21:31:03] <konani> I think we’ve earned the right to be self-congratulatory. I called “extrasolar invaders” from the first time that hit-squad talked to themselves!
01[21:31:56] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Hit squad? Oh, chaos team. Meh, those guys were pricks anyway.
[21:32:59] <konani> Explosions happened and they attacked us for no discernible reason. After having actively watched us for a while. “Dicks” is synonymous with “assassins” under the circumstances, methinks.
01[21:34:28] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Well, their job was to confuse and disorient. They decided to do it by randomly murdering people on their own. That about sums it up.
[21:35:01] <konani> And they were purposefully murdered in turn. Nakuamakua smiles on such small ironies.
[21:35:14] <konani> Which is probably why I killed three of them.
[21:37:28] <konani> So, why bother with all of this hullabaloo? Other than your crypticisms about us not trifling which we don’t understand. I’m theologically obliged to do that sort of thing, I’m afraid.
01[21:38:17] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Your religion demands that you dabble in things you don’t understand? …how are any of your faith still alive?
[21:39:49] <konani> No, you misunderstand. Nakuamakua is the Lady of the Lavishly Ludicrous. Telling me not to do something because it is beyond my ken is basically demanding that I do it. Don’t they have stories based on the Hero’s Journey where you come from?
[21:40:26] <konani> There’re always awesome adventures to be found when a sage elder figure tells a young and headstrong adventurer not to trifle with something they don’t understand!
[21:41:31] <konani> There’s plenty of reasons not to trifle with things we don’t understand. But mostly because they’re boring. Or so inscrutable there’s no functional difference.
[21:43:58] <konani> Spelljamming, for point of reference, is neither of those things.
01[21:44:21] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Do you think you’re answering the question? Because you’re just making me ask it even harder.
[21:45:04] <konani> Obviously have to introduce awesomeness to…wherever it is you’ve come from.
[21:45:53] <konani> For a theology that requires less high theology, it’s amazing how much you can survive and how many problems you can solve when your patron’s primary spheres of spellcasting involve lava and healing.
01[21:46:27] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] We have awesomeness. We generously share it with all who accept it from us.
01[21:46:40] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] For the sake of clarity, not being able to stop us counts as accepting.
[21:47:55] <konani> I think you’re confusing “awesomeoness” with “being a titanic dick”. Explains pretty much everything you and Chaos Team have done!
01[21:48:58] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Would it make you feel better if we didn’t know that you were locals until after being-a-dick plans were already in motion?
[21:50:48] <konani> A bit! But that’s balanced out by the implication that there’re other spelljamming factions out there who are, in all likelihood, also assholes if they warranted a “kill first, ask questions later” policy.
01[21:51:22] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] I’d explain, but that gets back into the “it wouldn’t mean anything to you anyway” deal.
[21:52:22] <konani> I think we need to hear it. Go slow and expect a lot of placeholder names and inappropriate analogies.
[21:53:09] <guri> I’m just here to make beer and liquor.
[21:53:43] <guri> I leave the metaphysics to Konani
01[21:56:26] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Alright, here’s the simple version. On the one hand, there’s the Glorious Imperial Elven Clans. …jeez, that sounds dumb in Common. Anyway, that’s us. On the other hand, you’ve got the orc tribes. That’s “Them”, with a captail T. On the third hand, there’s everyone else, but they’re not really important.
[21:59:00] <konani> The third hand’s the best. I can tell that already.
[21:59:17] <guri> Any you think its better to sabotage new spelljammers than to try to ally with them?
[22:01:14] <konani> In a Material Plane divided between the Knife-Ears and Underbites, yes! Because all sense and reason left long ago.
01[22:04:11] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Well, this place looks remarkably like a military outpost from a distance, you know? You act on the information you have on hand.
[22:04:46] <guri> If you say so.
[22:06:00] <konani> Hear that, Captain? The elves are cool with us vaporizing their stuff because it looks vaguely militarized.
[22:06:42] <guri> I’ll drink to that!
01[22:09:26] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Well, what else would you expect?
[22:10:44] <konani> Check your star charts, see if the world’s had any reported spelljamming, and if not, initiate first contact in a manner that doesn’t involve explosions?
01[22:13:23] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Oh, that’s cute, you think you’re important. You realize that if we hadn’t run into you by accident, you probably would’ve just gotten yourselves killed by wandering somewhere you aren’t wanted, right?
[22:14:19] <konani> Well, now we’ll never find out, because someone just had to set our things on fire! Not cool, man. Not cool.
01[22:16:17] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] And it didn’t even have the decency to burn properly. Do you have any idea how obnoxious that is? As a professional saboteur, let me tell you, it’s really annoying.
01[22:17:30] <~nativejovian> [Mulue] You tried to burn a metal ship. Even if your incendiary charge hadn’t gone off early, what did you expect?
[22:17:44] <konani> Nakuamakua was saving all of her combustibility for Chaos Team. Speaking of which, how many other of you Gleeks are running around?
01[22:17:50] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] …come again?
01[22:18:13] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] Which part didn’t you get? Metal doesn’t burn.
01[22:19:01] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] What kind of idiots try to build a spelljamming ship out of metal? You couldn’t fit enough sails on deck to get it to move.
[22:19:18] <konani> …sails.
[22:19:20] <konani> In space.
[22:19:29] <konani> Why wasn’t I told this is a thing that works?
01[22:20:10] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Well, yeah. Aether sails. How else did you plan to get the ship to move?
01[22:20:52] <~nativejovian> [Mulue] Aetheric engines using motive power provided by bound elementals.
01[22:20:59] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] …I think I should stop talking now.
[22:21:39] <konani> Funny thing about shooting first and asking questions later: Sometimes you make messes that could’ve been avoided if you’d’ve asked.
01[22:23:20] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Yes, I’m sure that knowing you’ve developed a method of spelljamming that doesn’t rely on sail power would’ve made us leave you alone. That’s exactly what would have happened. Instead of an infiltration force ten times as large.
[22:23:55] <konani> Then you might’ve actually succeeded.
[22:24:02] <konani> So, yeah, still would’ve been better to have asked first.
01[22:25:31] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] …okay, point.
[22:26:06] <konani> But congratulations! I think you’ve just become an indefinite guest aboard this vessel. It’ll only be a matter of time before you come around to liking your captors, probably after all kinds of wacky adventures are had with you as our tour guide.
01[22:27:35] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] …you couldn’t just kill me instead?
[22:29:33] <konani> Of course not! You’re a wealth of information about the Great Unknown, which just happens to be full of paranoid assholes. Besides, your inevitable attempts to get us all killed with result in shenanigans which bond the crew together! As we’ve firmly established Gleeks are terrible at actually killing things.
01[22:30:15] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Do I even want to know how you derived “gleek”?
[22:31:41] <konani> Well, “Glorious Imperial Elven Clans” sounds very dumb. It needs a dumb-sounding truncation. GIEC becomes “geek”, and that’s offensive to bookworms to compare them with you guys. So borrow the second letter from “glorious” and you get “Gleek”! Which is very dumb indeed.
01[22:32:19] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] It sounds better in Elven. But then, everything sounds better in Elven.
[22:36:43] <konani> Just keep telling yourself that. I suspect the Captain’s got some questions too, probably about the tactical situation. How many of you Gleeks there are, how many ships you, where your ships are now, how you got in, that sort of thing.
01[22:39:03] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Eeeeh…. you guys are pretty cool and all, but I’m really not supposed to tell anyone that sort of thing. Classified information, need-to-know, operational security, all that stuff. You know how they get.
[22:42:42] <konani> Ah well. You’ll come around eventually. Stir craziness or the desire for the sweet embrace of death usually do that.
02[22:45:41] * Konani defers to Guri, Roach, or anyone else who might have something to say. As he’s tapped on the investigation front.
01[22:46:36] <~nativejovian> Party may make any skill checks they feel would help. Persuasion, Intimidate, etc.
01[22:52:48] <~nativejovian> Konani sweet-talks the elf POW! Pakeliku tries to help by playing “good cop/good cop”, but it doesn’t really take.
01[22:54:37] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Well… Let me put it this way. You found the chaos team, right? And you found me, but that’s it. Do you really think I was operating by myself? That we’d send a bunch of guys off as a distraction, but only one to actually disable your ship?
[22:55:08] <konani> No. Hence the inquiries as to where the real assault force was, you silly goose.
01[22:56:41] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] …you are terrible at taking hints.
[22:57:48] <konani> Subtlety is anathema to the lavishly ludicrous. So I take that as a compliment!
01[22:59:30] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Alright, let’s try this again. So, someone tried to burn down your ship, then moved on to a secondary objective. They left me behind to cover their rear, right? So they must’ve been planning to his something nearby. Especially because the distraction team was way over on the other side of the place.
01[23:00:00] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] So what else is about as close to the warehouse where you found me as the ship is? Because that might be the secondary target. Maybe. Possibly. In theory.
[23:03:38] <konani> …oh, bother.
01[23:04:48] <~nativejovian> [Mulue] Tanivel, are there any other teams on Kaonakala besides yours and the distraction team?
01[23:05:14] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] On this place? No.
01[23:05:46] <~nativejovian> [Mulue] That’s a very ominous answer.
01[23:05:53] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] I can see why you’d think so, yeah.
[23:06:32] <konani> Which means we’re fine if you’re a glass half-full answer. Or it means they’re already setting charges in the Lanikaula, if you’re expecting the Gleeks to keep performing as they have.
[23:06:40] <konani> We’d best go check to make sure the latter’s not the case.
[23:07:19] <konani> *Answer = believer.
02[23:11:11] * Konani gathers up Guri and Roach, for they have shenanigans to stop! Which hopefully don’t exist at all.
01[23:11:15] <~nativejovian> [Mulue] I’m fairly certain that his team is the one working on the Lanikuala. Which means there’s another team — at least one more - that hasn’t been deployed yet. Meaning they’re probably still on the ship that brought them here. Which no one has spotted yet, so we don’t know where it is.
01[23:11:50] <~nativejovian> [Tanivel] Yep! But if my commander asks, you didn’t hear that from me.
[23:12:07] <konani> Well then, shouldn’t we just launch and catch them with their pants down? Especially as we’ll be moving without sails, which is apparently impossible as far as they’re concerned.
01[23:14:09] <~nativejovian> [Mulue] That’s… not a bad idea, in fact. See if they’ve made any progress on the dock fire, and tell Nakale to board as many crew as she can as fast as she can before you head to the loading dock.
[23:14:46] <konani> You say that like it’d be anything else.
02[23:15:35] * Konani gathers up the A-Team and heads for places outside the hull! They’ve got status reports to collect and paper to push! …and crew to shanghai, too!
01[23:21:22] <~nativejovian> The A-Team leaves the ship by a rather less obnoxious route than the one they boarded! Where they find the fire mostly put out, though some of the debris (and some of the dock planks) are still bright with glowing embers. Nakale notices you as you approach and turns in your direction.
01[23:21:29] <~nativejovian> [Nakale] Well? What’d you find out?
[23:32:36] <konani> Oh, you know, the usual. The Gleeks are from another crystal-sphere whocame here to set our stuff on fire because they’re paranoid assholes. Oh, yeah, and we call them Gleeks now. Because “Glorious Imperial Elven Clansmen” is dumb.
[23:33:05] <konani> And apparently they’ve never heard of aetheric drives. Their spelljammers cruise through space using sails. Sails!
[23:33:48] <konani> So we’re going to take the Arkhorse out and make them wet their pants, shortly before blowing them showing them Nakuamakua’s loving embrace. Such a fiery and destruction loving embrace.
[23:34:07] <konani> So the Captain wants you to round up as many dudes as possible and get’em onboard, so we can get underway.
01[23:35:52] <~nativejovian> [Nakale] I… see. I’ll get the rest from the Captain when there’s a chance. And what will you
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[23:35:53] <guri> It’s time to show the gleeks thatv the rum isn’t gone…yet!
01[23:35:58] <~nativejovian> [Pakeliku] We’re going to go keep them from blowing up the Lanikaula!
01[23:36:01] <~nativejovian> [Nakale] …yes. Yes, you should do that.
01[23:36:49] <~nativejovian> Without another word, the XO turns and starts bellowing orders to the crewman standing around dockside, directing the task of boarding as much crew as possible as quickly as possible.
[23:37:36] <guri> So…where’s tge Lanikaula, agaib?
02[23:38:01] * Konani remembers! Vaguely! So he’ll take lead. For the moment.
[23:38:13] <konani> It’s where the action is, obviously.
01[23:38:32] <~nativejovian> Any stops to make first, party, or heading straight to the loading docks?
[23:39:28] <konani> Unless there’s a Magic Recharging Station en-route, nope.
01[23:42:24] <~nativejovian> The party has their assignment! Stop the Gleek saboteurs from saboteuring the Lanikaula! And, you know, you might want to hurry up, because otherwise your boat seems to be leaving without you. So, you know, no pressure.
01[23:42:53] <~nativejovian> But we’re saving that for…. next time! On Spelljammer!
01[23:42:57] <~nativejovian> [/session]

Session 003

Spelljammer Custom NativeJovian NativeJovian